Family mediation is an alternative to going to court when separating or divorcing.
Mediation allows you and your partner to resolve important issues such as finances, children, and property, in a constructive and collaborative setting. That being said, Mediation can still bring emotions and anxiety, especially if it’s your first time attending.
In this article, we look at some tips to help prepare you for your first or subsequent mediation sessions.
Understanding Your First Mediation Session:
Your first session is normally a one-to-one individual session with the mediator. The purpose of this session is to ease you into the process and make it feel less daunting, as your ex-partner or spouse won’t be present. The primary objective is to give you all the information you need to know before taking the next step. The meeting’s purpose is purely for giving information on options for resolving issues away from court. This includes discussing whether mediation may be suitable for you. It also allows the mediator to assess whether your circumstances are suitable for mediation, so that we can be confident this is the right route for you before everyone gets around the table.
There is little preparation for you to do because the first stage is getting to know you. We do advise you to bring a notepad and pen, and perhaps any prepared questions you wish to ask the mediator.
You might have some paperwork, such as court orders, that you want to bring if you wish. This is absolutely fine, but please bear in mind, the mediator cannot give any legal advice, as this remains the responsibility of your solicitor.
If you have not already done so by this point, then bring along some photo ID and proof of address. A driver’s licence or passport, along with a utility bill or recent bank statement, would suffice.
Give yourself plenty of time to arrive, look up in advance how to reach the mediator’s office and where to park, and by all means bring a trusted friend or relative along with you (although they may not be allowed into the individual session itself).
Preparing for Your First Joint Mediation Session:
Meeting with your ex-partner to discuss important matters is never easy, and you are not alone in feeling this way. Your ex-partner is most likely feeling the same nerves as you are. Family Mediators see couples every week and will always be understanding and welcoming to your situation.
We advise you to prepare for your session in advance. If you have paperwork to bring, have this packed and ready the night before. Check travel updates, route to the office and decide what you want to wear. Arriving stressed and flustered is the last thing you want in the morning, and could alter your mood for the session. Having a good sleep and a healthy breakfast may also help your brain function and help you concentrate during the discussions. The joint sessions are longer, so it’s important that you’re not distracted by an empty stomach.
We advise bringing a calculator with you if you plan on discussing finances, but these will be provided if needed. Additionally, a summary of your financial position would also be helpful. This could include items like your mortgage payments, bills, debts, savings, pensions, payslips and any other incomings/outgoings. If you have your own proposals, it is worth bringing these along for discussion.
If your session will cover children's arrangements, then bring with you any ideas or suggestions that you have for how you see things working going forward. Discussing children can be very emotional, so try to think rationally about what is fair for both parties and what is best for your children’s welfare.
The mediator will discuss with you what will be required in advance to ensure you are able to make the best use of the time within the meeting.
Don’t Put Pressure on Yourself
Please don’t expect this session to run perfectly and to walk out with an agreement straight away. There are a lot of emotions and ideas involved, so it might take a few sessions to get warmed up to the process before any solid resolutions can be reached.
It is also sometimes advisable to ‘road-test’ ideas and proposals that arise out of mediation before committing to any arrangement permanently. So, this might mean taking a break from the mediation process to give something a try or to have a period of reflection, and then returning in a week or so to review matters before finalising anything.
What to Wear
The priority of these sessions is to discuss important matters and reach an agreement. Clothes aren’t high on the priority list, and with mediation being a more relaxed environment compared to a courtroom, please don’t stress about your clothing attire. Some people will feel more productive and professional if they wear something smart, like work attire or a suit, but wearing jeans and trainers is equally fine. Wear what makes you feel comfortable.
Feeling Awkward, Anxious or Uncomfortable
It is normal to feel uncomfortable seeing your ex-partner and discussing sensitive matters, particularly if you are feeling emotional.
Your mediator will do whatever they can to put you at ease and is happy to make any special arrangements. You may feel more comfortable arriving at slightly different times to avoid an awkward moment in the car park or waiting area – this can be arranged.
If at any point you need to take a break, or if you would prefer to mediate from separate rooms, then please let your mediator know, ahead of time, where possible, and this can be discussed.
If you are having trouble with anxiety or depression, then it could affect how productive your sessions are. Get advice from your GP, a counsellor or your solicitor for guidance. Practising mindfulness, meditation or other relaxation techniques before your meeting may help you cope.
Starting the Process
If you are interested in finding out more about how mediation can help your family dispute, please contact our Mediator, Sarah Healy, on 01256 305 594 or sarah.healy@lambbrooks.com