With Resolution’s ‘Good Divorce Week’ approaching at the end of November, our Family Law Team take a look at whether it is in fact possible to have a good divorce and what a good divorce would look like from the perspective of a separating couple.
Resolution is a membership organisation founded by a group of forward-thinking family lawyers who provide support, marketing campaigns and services to over 6500 professionals across the UK. Each year they hold Good Divorce Week – a campaign to help drive change and raise awareness of important issues affecting separated families and the justice system.
Divorce in its very nature can be an incredibly stressful and emotional time for everyone involved in the relationship breakdown. However, there are ways to minimise the distress and nurture a healthier divorce with a positive outcome for both sides and any children involved.
Is it possible to have a good divorce?
In essence, yes. However, there will always be couples in certain situations which means that their divorce will be litigious and more difficult than others.
Quite often couples seeking a divorce can already be on amicable terms – whether they have been separated for some time, they have grown apart, fallen out of love or they are both agreeable to the separation - not all divorces are fuelled with anger and anguish.
Even if things aren’t quite ‘friendly’ if both parties are willing to be open to compromise, communicate well, act in the best interests of their children and work together to find a fair and reasonable way forward, then it is entirely possible for those couples to have a ‘good divorce’ that will set them up for a positive future separately.10 Steps to a Good Divorce
Our Family & Divorce Solicitors share some practical tips that will help couples looking to get through their divorce on good terms.
It is important to be open minded from the very start of the divorce proceedings. Everyone may have their own opinions on what is fair or how they think the separation should work, but it really helps the process if both parties arrive to it with their mind open to suggestions, feedback and compromises.
2. Communication is key
Keeping communication going throughout will help to keep things moving in the right direction. The reason for so many divorces is a breakdown or lack of communication – so don’t let this same factor hinder your divorce outcome too. Find the best way for you both to communicate – whether it be over email, phone, face to face or with your Solicitors present. Always remembering to keep calm and be very clear.
3. Respond promptly
One of the biggest frustrations for divorcing couples can be the agonising wait and the ‘in limbo’ stages when waiting for the other side’s solicitors to respond or waiting to find out the next steps. It is helpful for everyone involved to respond quickly to all communications to keep things moving along with good momentum.
4. Get good advice
Understanding your legal position, your rights and the best way forward will set you in good stead for a positive outcome. Seek legal advice at an early stage before you become embroiled in divorce discussions so that you know the lay of the land. Ideally, find a Solicitor who specialises in divorce law and one who is a collaborative lawyer, so that they are well versed in more peaceful divorce procedures.
5. Reach agreement early
The sooner you come to an agreement, often the less painful the divorce will be. A bit like ‘ripping off a band aid’ (to quote a very American expression) getting it done quicker can help you both to start moving forward with your life. It will also save your expenses if you can reach agreement without the help of your lawyers, either by independently finding solutions you are both agreeable to, or by attending mediation. This will save you additional chargeable time from your Solicitor and can be more palatable to discuss between you rather than involving the professionals in the details.
Compromise is really important in divorce proceedings and sometimes you have to be prepared to let some things go in order to reach a resolution. Whilst it is important to stick to your guns with what matters most to you, it can aid the process to know when to let go in order to move ahead.
7. Look after yourself
Divorce is bound to be a difficult time and can take its toll on your mental health, which is hardly surprising. In order to face divorce head-on it is important to look after your mental and physical health. Make sure you are getting a good quality of sleep, exercising, eating well, avoiding too much alcohol, speaking to family and friends when you need support.
8. Think of the future
To have a good divorce both parties need to be thinking ahead to the future, rather than dwelling on the past or going over old ground. Now is the time to project ahead to what your new, separated life will be like and thinking about how you can reach agreement to get there.
9. Protect your children
If you have children from your marriage (or any children from previous relationships / step children) then it is vital that the divorce has a fair and positive outcome for them too. As long as both parents are considering what is best for the children, then you should be on a similar page which will help to a speedier and less litigious divorce.
10. Get support
Separation is difficult and it is important not to go through it alone. It is normal to go through a range of emotions leading up to, during and after the divorce. Surround yourself with positive influences – good, reliable friends and family members who can be a trusted confidant when you need them. Should you need additional support, seek advice from a professional. A counsellor, life coach or your GP may be able to help if you need something more than a shoulder to cry on or a friendly face.
No Fault Divorce
Earlier this year a long awaited change in divorce law was put into place which means that couples can now separate more amicably. It enables couples to work together by submitting a joint divorce application rather than one party divorcing the other. The changes have also removed the requirement for blame to be put on one person. This helps couples to go their separate ways without stirring up past traumas and remaining in control.
This welcome change is already helping more people to have a ‘good divorce’ going forward.
Good Divorce Advice
If you are thinking about divorce or are going through the process and need legal advice you can rely on, then please get in touch with our understanding and compassionate Family Law Team.
Our team has a wide range of expertise in legal matters arising from separation, be it financial disputes, property issues, children arrangements or future protection.
Call Rob, Ben or La-Toyah in our friendly team on 01256 844888. Alternatively, you can email the team on enquiries@lambbrooks.com or speak to our live chat assistant on the website who can take some initial details and put you in touch with someone to help.