It is hardly surprising that many couples have difficulties getting along during divorce proceedings. After all, the relationship has come to an end for a reason. But in some instances things can become particular harder to cope with for one or both parties. Not only does this make for an acrimonious divorce but it can also cause delays or further expense.

Whilst divorce is painful, it can be made even more difficult when the focus is not on moving forward.

The formalities, time and cost of seeking legal advice and going through the divorce process are bound to add extra strain on the already difficult relationship.

But how can you cope when your ex-partner is being particularly difficult?

• Keep Focused. Try not to be hurt or distracted by nasty messages, letters or phone calls. Try your best not to respond or entertain any rudeness; often not getting a reaction can lead to the ex-partner giving up or at least reduce their efforts to upset you.

• Communicate Responsibly. When relationships are bitter it is advised to keep communication to a minimum. Where children are involved it can be difficult to go long without speaking, but try to keep communication sensible and formal. Many couples resort to emailing rather than text messages, as it can often be easy to respond in haste to messages that pop up on your phone. There are also ‘apps’ that can be used to communicate, use a shared calendar and share photos.

• Document Events. Keep a log of any unreasonable behaviour in case it is needed at a later date. This could copies of emails, messages, social media posts and bank account logs. Also note down any verbal abuse, broken arrangements with children etc. In the event that you need to back up actions then you will have a clear record of events.

• Consider the Children. If you have children then no doubt they will be your main concern when it comes to your separation. It is important for the health of their relationships with parents that they are not privy to any arguments or mud-slinging. If you think parental alienation may be happening – where your ex-partner is manipulating or involving the children in an unhealthy way – then speak to your solicitor straight away.

• Keep the Past in the Past. The focus must remain on finding a resolution and reaching agreement. There is no use resurfacing and going over past events and it is not helpful when the relationship is already under tension. Concentrating on the issues at hand and moving forward will help keep the process moving.

• Use your Solicitors. If the strain is too much then communicate via your solicitors. This may increase your costs, but it can be an effective way to focus on the issues that need to be dealt with and move things on. Often it is more cost effective in the long run to get things moving and can be a weight off your shoulders.

• Be Prepared to Compromise. If you ex-spouse is putting obstacles in your way which is delaying your divorce or dragging out your mediation sessions, then you may need to prepare yourself to take some losses, make allowances and compromise in order to reach a resolution. This will cast you in good light to a judge who can see you are being flexible in order to move things on.

• Look After Yourself. Be kind to yourself. This is a difficult time. Don’t be afraid to seek additional help if you need the support. Speaking to a friend, colleague, a counselor or your GP may help you with new ways to cope.

Speak to Someone Today

If you have an ex-spouse who is causing stress or delays then speak to your Divorce Solicitor to see what actions can be taken to help move the process on.

If you have been handling your separation by yourself without legal representation but are finding things have come to a halt or you need advice, then please get in touch.

For advice on separation, financial orders or children matters then please get in touch with our Family Law Team on 01256 844888 or email enquiries@lambbrooks.com to see how we can assist you on your next steps.

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The contents of this article are for the purposes of general awareness only. They do not purport to constitute legal or professional advice.  The law may have changed since this article was published.   Readers should not act on the basis of the information included and should take appropriate professional advice upon their own particular circumstances.